You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
