Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This is the high leading the old right now
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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