Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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