her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
3pm strippers are depressing
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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