you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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