we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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