We're facebook friends in real life
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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