I faked an abortion last night.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
