What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
