So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I want her autograph on my taint
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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