I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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