WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
