I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
