Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
