And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
