ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
