I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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