is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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