I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
