yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
