My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
