I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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