At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize