Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
