Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
