dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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