Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
