she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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