Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
