i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
