the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
