dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
