i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
