she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
