Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
