Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize