I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
