they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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