I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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