Define "chronic" masturbator.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
