Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
