I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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