umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
