Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
