i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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