do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
