I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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