His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
