dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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