Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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