Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
