so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
it hurts more in the daytime
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
