so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
