in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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