where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
