Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
