Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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