hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
