is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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