Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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