you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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