Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
