put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
