ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
