I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
