We're like a lot better than the average bears
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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