it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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