You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
