They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize