you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
