See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
