SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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