I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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