i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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