I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
