We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
