I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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