you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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