haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
