i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize