I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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