this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
