there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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