i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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