She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
