He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just had sex bonerless
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
