I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize