smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
