TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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