Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
