I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
