my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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