Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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