He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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