I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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