I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
