Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
