Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
