In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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