i just wanna soil my oats bro
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The uberlube is also flammable
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize