i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize