Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize