he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
